acting is my other job

no, i haven’t been in a play (excluding my role as a sheep in third grade). i have zero theatre experience. no roles on a sitcom or even some lame tv commercial. but i am an actress and my acting has become a full-time job lately.

i’m an actress because i act like i’m okay. like i have it all together. i act like certain things don’t bother me or make me upset. i pretend that i’m in control and on top of everything.

but that’s just an act. and i know i’m not the only one. don’t get me wrong though. it’s not necessarily a bad thing. majority of it is part of life and part of learning. it comes with growing up and becoming your best self.

fake it until you make it.

let me tell you, though, it’s exhausting. i get plenty of sleep (you can ask my fitbit), but i am so tired. and it shows.

most people will tell you, i am usually very upbeat and energetic. i’m almost always in a good mood and ready to go. but when i’m not, you know it. i’m terrible at hiding my feelings. and sometimes i let them get me down. i start to overthink things and my anxiety begins to attack my mind.

suddenly, i’m beyond inadequate. i’m unsuccessful. i’m stupid. i’m weak. i’m not benefitting anyone and only getting in the way. my anxiety just takes over and it’s cyclical. when i realize what’s happening, i criticize myself for letting it get this way. so it gets worse, spinning around and around, growing and causing destruction like an avalanche.

i hate it. i hate hate hate hate it. i can’t stand when i get like that. i try to stop it. i really do, but it spirals out of control. instead, i’m going to change my perspective and approach so my anxiety never gets there.

instead of focusing on what i’ve done wrong or could’ve done right, i’ll use it to propel me forward. i’ll take a moment to stop and just breathe. breathing is so powerful. i’ll take a second to rewind and see where i can go from there. and remind myself why i do certain things in the first place. why i like my job, love my friends and feel valued.

if you’ve ever felt like this before, then you know what i’m talking about. if not, then take my advice anyway. taking time to chill out and breathe is good for everyone. oh and enjoying beer outside with a great friend helps too. or doing that without beer. both are great.

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